New McCalls Patterns: Spring 2015

I'm kinda over dresses at the moment, so these aren't setting me on fire or anything.

McCalls 7088

I love Trace Reese, but I don't love boob conforming seams. I saw a dress very similar to this recently where the underboob region was white and the upperboob was black. Like a big white arrow pointing up. With just one fabric, you don't see the seam so that's ok, but what's the point? Does it give a better fit?

McCalls 7081

Candy striper! My god that is some impressive stripe matching. STANDING OVATION!

McCalls 7084

Same pose, its Swirly Striped Skirt Spring! I like this one better, its more flattering. Now I know that the pattern companies, McCalls especially, paying attention to the blog world. So its nice (and smart commercially) that they are following what the audience wants, ie. shirt dresses, all the shirtdresses! Then again, with that information they do some not so nice stuff too (see below).

McCalls 7100

Hey, its the Rigel...

McCalls 7080

With some faded plaid and floppy boots, this would be perfect for a Nirvana concert. Wait, what year is it?

McCalls 7090

Stop making patterns for this dress, please!

McCalls 7082

Shit just got real.

McCalls 7089

Whoa, that's a turnaround! I'm trying to understand the story here and what I'm getting is that her dog ran away and all she's got left is his leash. She wants to run after him, but her damn legs won't break free from their cage. We all know where the dog went.

I used to be a doginatrix and now look at me.

McCalls 7087

1960's Betty Rubble. That collar is too damn big.

McCalls 7086

My word that's unflattering. Why do you have to pose like this if you're in something 50's inspired. Were all women then walking with pointed toes and horizontal hands?

McCalls 7094

I was looking into hacking the Archer in something like this, but maybe I'm just a trend hag. Thoughts?

McCalls 7099

Well isn't someone off to a fabulous day of stripping down to nothing in a filthy public bathroom.

McCalls 7093

Go ahead and put some thing in the pocket of a crepe de Chine, charmeuse, chiffon, or georgette t-shirt, we'll see how practical it is then.

McCalls 7097

Have a happy Swirly Striped Skirt Spring!

New McCalls Patterns: Fall 2014

AKA when women are encouraged by the powers that be to embrace their inner catholic school girl. Hit me baby one more time...

McCalls 7022

I like how they choose the longest skirt to showcase here, trying to minimize the Britney comparisons. I see right through you McCalls!!! Its Britney, bitch.

McCalls 7014

Its nice when a school offers you more than one uniform option. The school of McCalls. Want to hear a funny (sad) story? My middle school required uniforms in the form of shirts. While my mom and I were waiting to buy my clothes for the next two years, the oh so well organized school ran out of all shirts, but white, X-large, short sleeve. So my uniform for a few months of middle school hell were two X-large white shirts, one with a huge margarine stain on the front. When black, medium shirts were finally offered again it was a revelation. I wonder why I wasn't cool...

McCalls 7025

Designer Joi! I can't not say this without using jazz hands. Designer Joi! Those fabrics (together, apart?) are hideous. Its already a coat with a lot of stuff, it didn't need 1980's fabrics too.

McCalls 7017

Designer Joi! The ruffle on that shirt is ugly and the bellybutton slit in the shirt is making me twitch. Designer Joi doens't have a singular POV, does she? Those are two very different patterns.

McCalls 7016

Giant shawl collars look so dated, not my style.

McCalls 7021

Hey, that's cute! The beads certainly make it, but its a good base! The peplum isn't too puffy, this is great!

It even comes with a mullet peplum, that's fine. That's all, right?

Oh no, they added another peplum layer, not a great decision. That is the end right? Right?!?!

Oh dear god the peplums are taking over....

Really why stop here McCalls. Why not 4,5,6? Can't look much uglier than this and the peplum pieces are likely just rectangles.

McCalls 7018

The collar's kind of sad-droopy, but I'd wear this. I like ruched sleeves and tabs as long as the buttons are functional so I can iron the creases out. Wait, the sleeve is gathered in the tab in this picture and not in the line drawing. I hate when the actual garment in the envelope isn't what is on the envelope. Anyone else run into this? Simplicity seems to be the biggest violator of my trust.

McCalls 7026

This is an exercise outfit, I get that. Is that thing on the back supposed to be wings and a homage to Hermes? Running fast and stuff. Because that would be kind of cute. If not, what were they thinking? Also, lace butt ruffle, no. Just no.

My favorite pattern in this run is McCalls 7019. When I first saw it in the thumbnail, well, see for youself.

Oh that's cute, McCalls is making skating costumes.

Oh dear, those are pants.

New Patterns: McCalls Winter 2013

Early prom arrivals!

Would you rather...

go as Barbie?

McCalls 6838

go as what my imaginary best friends Tom and Lorenzo would call the glaring titscrepancy?

McCalls 6837

or go in this dress which I think was made with cheap screen door material?

McCalls 6836

For my imaginary prom, I choose cheap door dress. There's potential which other two don't aspire to.
Normal clothes?

McCalls 6833

Ok not too normal, its still pretty fancy pants. The skirt is way full and the antique colored lace is way too much with that brocade. It all comes together to look like a very mature (or rich) child's Christmas dress. The non-full skirt option is more adult.

McCalls 6834

I though there was a seam there until I saw the line drawing. That point is just where all the pleats open. I think in a less stiff fabric the garment would look more like the line drawing and have some of the promised flow. The sleeves make it a bit twee.

McCalls 6835

That's just...no....its just rectangles....This is NOT a dress, its a coverup on its best day! And please, for the love of god don't do this:

McCalls 6841

This was actually an extremely trendy look from earlier this year, but instead of giant cowl the fabric reversed and folded at the bottom. The style was better rendered by Hot Patterns 1153.

McCalls 6839

I hate these cut-out, cowl back tops, with the *SHUDDER* shoulder ties to keep them from falling off. Reminds me of the cheap tween clothes I sometimes convinced my understanding mom to buy me. Thanks for indulging me, momma!

McCalls 6846

Please excuse me while I run screaming from the room. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

McCalls 6847

Dental assistant's smock.

McCalls 6844

Love this fabric. Love the shawl collar. HATE the peplum.

McCalls 6840

Ok, I have this shirt in chambray. No joke. Love those obnoxious, annoying sleeves.

McCalls 6842

Rah-rah cheerleader skirt.

McCalls 6849

That is aggressively ugs.

McCalls 6848

I cannot imagine the pain of sleeping in romper. I flip over about 14 times before I fall asleep and then supposedly, I spend the rest of the night either kicked off the covers or stealing the covers. Do you realize how much this thing would ride up, anywhere and everywhere? Oh man.

On that....

New McCalls Patterns: Fall 2013

Need I go on?

Its a pattern for a rectangle with a zipper. A pattern for taking your faux snakeskin boots and turning them into yetti fur and snakeskin boots. And why would you wear lace super short-shorts, an orange studded bag, and mismatching, though both aesthetically suited for cold weather, boots while lying prone on the ground? This is soul crushing.

Also, doesn't this seem like something the Kardashian's would peddle.

Dash away with Kardashian boot covers!

Whatever. In order now.

McCalls 6788

Me: Honey, what do you think of this dress?
Boyfriend: OMG who took a bite out of her side?
Me: Ok, the photoshop is a bit extreme, but what do you think of her top?
Boyfriend: I can't stop looking at her side. Why is one arm huge and the other so small?

McCalls 6789

Exuberant and profuse peplum. I'm over peplums on dresses, shirts are cute, but I don't personally think that peplumed (is that a word?) dresses ever really worked on anyone.

McCalls 6790

The sheer makes this look very messy, but I can kinda see something passable if it were opaque. Let's take a second to talk about the posing. They totally listened when I said pattern models should pose like the Vitruvian man, but is this really necessary? Both sides?

Berta, meet Gurt. Gurt, this is Bertha. I think you would like each other?

Guess not.

I could have fun with this.

McCalls 6798

 I like the sheerness from the shoulders to wrist, but that's mighty unflattering and dated.

McCalls 6791

Maxidress with a cute back that does not allow a wearable bra, but I can't figure out what's going on there, below the hips, you see it? The pattern says it has a 'shaped left side.' Its....wonky. Also, that fabric is pure jammies.

McCalls 6801

That's fine, pretty 80's if you want to do there. Would look great with yetti fur boots, but I don't have any.

McCalls 6792

80's theme party! Barbie syndrome is when your shoes and legs are the same color making it look like you are on your tippy toes all the time. Its almost incurable.

McCalls 6797

This looks mighty uncomfortable to wear, no? All that twisting and fabric. Its also pretty ugly.

McCalls 6793

Perfectly acceptable tunic if you accept tunics. I like the flower background, that's puuurty.

McCalls 6795

Sassy legal aid. Hitting the trends though, little collar and peplum. Don't peplums go better with sleeveless or is that just me?

McCalls 6794

She's a skinny minny! I kinda like this top and its shaped hem, but I question what boobs would do to it.

McCalls 6796

I would have been ALL OVER THIS twelve years ago.

McCalls 6803

The indie pattern company Thread Theory Design Inc. is getting a lot of press among the bloggers lately. Doesn't this look remarkably similar to their Newcastle Cardigan? I like TT's version better and so does the boyfriend.