Saturday, October 27, 2012

New Sewing Patterns: Vogue Holiday 2012

While I try to get my actual sewing into displayable condition I will relentlessly mock Vogue's newest offerings to the community.

Vogue 1326
Jester-chic! Maybe if this didn't have the top pink panel and just have a v-neck, it would be better. Someone tried to dress up the color blocking trend and this what happened. Also, I try not to discuss the models, but her hand looks like a claw! I'm going to moisturize now.

Vogue 1327
Pouchy belly alert! Why oh why would you gather right at the belly and only at the belly. The amount of times that sewing patterns employ gathering is ridiculous. Much like 'more cowbell' of the music world, 'more gathering' is the war cry of the Big4.

This is super cute if the bodice went straight down into a skirt or it was just a shirt, but I have one major problem after that. This would be MURDER to iron! Even the line drawing is wrinkled and that's saying something. One of the recommended fabrics is linen, are you kidding me?

Vogue 1328

I dub thee, 'This is my pubic area' dress. Yeah, can't stop looking now, can you? This is a perfect example of a Vogue dress, little chic, rather conservative, with a couple of boring details. LOVE the purple though! And hey, has anyone noticed that last three have been rendered in SOLID fabrics and ok poses?!?! Its like they're listening.

Vogue 1329
Hey, that's cute! Now that's color blocking done right! The line pattern claims there are pleats at the side, but I wouldn't know. Pleats at the side, also employed nearly as much as pouchy belly gathering. Need proof? See previous pattern.

Vogue 1330
Seriously? Its a slip dress with two rectangles stapled to the sides.

Vogue 1331
That's hideous, its looking at me.

Vogue 8846
Really pretty and very chic and for once, a patterned fabric was the absolute perfect choice to present this pattern with. Brava Vogue! I love the simple front, the neckline, and the pleat in the back, totally wearable, but totally special.

Vogue 8847
Ok, this has been done before, but it looks like a nice pattern. I like the detail of the hem (is that like the smallest detail to like or what?). Like the gathered sleeves (yes, gathering can be used for good and not just evil). Neckline's nice, self belt is nice. I think that model was on ANTM a million years ago. If she was was, I'm going to be sad that that info has stuck around in my head this long, there's more important stuff that should be in there.

Vogue 8849
Tail, TAIL, TAIL!!!!

Vogue 8848

Nice side panels, but I have other patterns that I already want to used for paneling. Its fine. Jeez, there were a lot of patterns in this release.

Vogue 8853
I can't...Boob curtains....Body curtains....Spindly little sleeves.......Bow

Vogue 8855
You know that Christmas advent calenders where you open one window each day, counting down until Christmas and you get a little prize for each day? That's what this looks like to me.

Or maybe this is supposed to be tiny billboards. I would need an Exxon or McDonald's logo to transfer into there. The back panel could be a digital print of the open road. Route 66!

Oh the ideas!

Two fly swatters, the back is just tons of bugs....Maybe I should stop while I'm ahead.

Vogue 8854
Running the kids to school before yoga-wear if I've ever seen it.

Vogue 8857
Ruffly chests, the third most employed detail after belly gathers and side pleats.

Vogue 8859
I hate leggings unless you are wearing them under pants in sub-zero temperatures, so this is obviously a no go. But you have to check out the rest of the pictures for this pattern. The model is wearing the same pants in each picture, but they change the shoes each time. Why?

Vogue 8863
I love big coats with elbow-length sleeves that have smaller sleeves sticking out. I hate the rest of this pattern.

Vogue 8845
80's, super 80's. What's on her head? Something's off with the lapel, help me out? Is that a skull? So many questions.

Vogue 8860
I really really like this! The hood, swingy shape, minimalistic details, color blocking. Its fab! Yup, fab.

Vogue 8861
This would really fall apart without a belt. If you have to rely on a belt to make something cute, something is wrong. I like the collar.

Vogue 8862
Ok, this seems to have a lot of detail, but its all black and hard to see. PS, don't match you tights and you bag. Nononononono!

Vogue 8865
Why didn't they finish this? The pieces are falling off!

Vogue 8866
Wow, Vogue always really grasps towards the end, don't they? Hideous, all around. That is a powerful peplum and those are the worst pants ever. Don't match your lipstick, shoes, and bag.

Now for my final two favorite patterns, I'm so excited for these!

Vogue 1332

I love this! I really really do! Does it look like the outer protective shell of a beetle? Why yes it does, a FABULOUS beetle! Love the beetle shape, everyone needs more round coats in their lives. The collar is awesomely huge and shoulder has a intriguing shape. Obviously, I love that it has sleeves that seem to extend from the main body (see above). I love you beetle coat.

Vogue 1335
This is going to be perfect the next time I need to sew myself a straight jacket or a great jumping off point for a Rebel Alliance ice world Hoth uniform. What-the-what-the-who-the-how-the-why-oh-why?


Thank you Leia.

1 comment:

  1. Just came across your post - DH and I can't stop laughing! :))
    Thanks! Jo